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I can't describe my grief. I had a dream this morning that knocked… - Salvador Dali in a lawn chair.
I'm invisible without 3D glasses.
lost_angel
lost_angel
I can't describe my grief.

I had a dream this morning that knocked me on my ass. I awoke, gasping and achy and wretched.

I feel like I can't control my emotion, like I'm not the master of my body or my mind. I feel like one of the creatures I've always hated: a blubbering, sniveling, irrational woman who can't get a hold of herself, psycho, with emotions so utterly raw that the slightest touch will make me scream, my nerves exposed to naked interrogator light bulbs, an aspect of me I thought I'd squashed with reason, tolerance, understanding, patience.

I can't function.

I haven't done anything crazy yet. I haven't blasted the world with questions to ease my mind. I havne't called on the telephone repeatedly until someone answered. I haven't lashed out at anyone. I haven't run away to hide. I haven't gotten drunk. I haven't binge eaten. I haven't screamed. I've only cried a little.

But I want to.

mood: raw
music: U2 - Bono always heals me....

3 Voices in a Chorus | Lift Your Voice Aloft
Comments
ch3ckmate From: ch3ckmate Date: May 23rd, 2003 07:36 am (UTC) (link)

you are not alone...

don't ever feel like you're the only one that feels this way, dear one. i think we all go thru phases when we are raw, an open wound, our nerves are on top of our skin...we feel TOO much.
no, i don't think it's a sign that we have turned into someone we don't want to be...an emotional wreck of a person. i just think that at certain times in our lives our subconscious fears, anxieties, etc. are so close to the surface that they sometimes bleed into our conscious, waking moments.

it usually helps me if i can remember my past, my roots...what makes me happy at my innermost core. it also helps to go off by yourself and kick, cuss, scream, and cry...to get it all out in the open. i don't really know how to help, except to tell you that you are not alone (and thank goodness for antidepressants and therapy). *hug*
angel925 From: angel925 Date: May 23rd, 2003 03:10 pm (UTC) (link)

What comes around goes around...

And you are always sweet enough to send me cyber hugs when i'm feeling that way... so..

*HuuuuuuugeHuuuuuuugs*

Hang in there :)
jaime_ryals From: jaime_ryals Date: June 8th, 2003 10:21 pm (UTC) (link)
I don't know what all of that crap means, not that I don't "care", but I feel it's time for me to swoop in like an emotional vulture and shoplift some pootie.

James
3 Voices in a Chorus | Lift Your Voice Aloft