Stronger and harder than a bad girl's dream. (lost_angel) wrote,
Stronger and harder than a bad girl's dream.
lost_angel

  • Mood:
Morning creeps closer. I spend the night doing nothing of consequence, playing games I care little about, begging for something to entertain myself, feel bored, lost, frustrated, confused, annoyed and angry. I eventually crawl into bed when I can't keep my eyes open any longer, not when I'm tired, but when I'm tired of the current distraction and need another.

At least in my day dreams I can control the drama, fill the emptiness with what I wish, relieve the apathy.

Because it's not apathy that I'm really fighting; it's laziness and lack of motivation and not knowing what I want to do with my life. My mother tells me that she just wants me to have a goal, to spend my time working for something. But I can't see anything, no matter where I look, worth working for, much less fighting or hurting for. But I'm not content to sit on my ass either. I want to find something I enjoy working for, that's worth more than the effort I put into it, that is more important that the sum of its parts (something that requires more than a disgusting cliche to describe it).

But the harder I look, the more that ethereal, uncatchable "thing" I'm looking for escapes further and further away from me.
Subscribe

  • My Quarterly Update - JoJo Barely Averts Disaster

    JoJo (my 3-year old, ittybitty cat affectionately known to the world as MoJo-JoJo-Josephine-Baker or "Nyquil Kitty" because she puts people to sleep…

  • Worked Hard. Not Done.

    Somehow, it was tremendously difficult for me to throw away a bit of ribbon tonight. Seriously. It had no sentimental value other than I'd had it…

  • Purge

    I ruthlessly purged my closet last night. Only about 25% of the hanging clothes remain on their hangers. The clothes I removed are now packed away…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 1 comment