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Blather - Salvador Dali in a lawn chair.
I'm invisible without 3D glasses.
lost_angel
lost_angel
Blather
I want to cry.

I'm standing still in my life, waiting to hit the threshold where I can't take it anymore, the sitting, the waiting.

I'm procrastinating on life. I'm waiting til my life hits rock bottom so I can start hauling myself back up again only to hover, confused and lost, just below actually accomplishing anything.

Why do I always have to be backed into a corner to actually accomplish anything?

I can't pick a path and stick with it. I can't find anything that I love enough to work more than a few hours on. I've had several glimpses of brilliant infatuation, but nothing that sticks to my ribs enough to make me hungry for more or make me need it enough to work at it.

I get so easily frustrated and discouraged. Little hindrances become enormous road-blocks, and I turn around for a better path.

And I get mad at myself for not living my life to the fullest. It's because I'm waiting for me to pick something to do without losing focus.

I'm finished with my bachelors. But I don't know where to go from here or where I want to be.

I'm terrified that in twenty years I'm still going to be surfing distraction and really will be washed up and past my prime and fighting an uphill battle to give my life meaning rather than just feeling like it.

I am so blessed. I have the opportunity to pursue anything I wanted to; I just don't want anything enough to work at it. It's disgusting and tragic and ridiculous.

mood: bursting

4 Voices in a Chorus | Lift Your Voice Aloft
Comments
everraven From: everraven Date: July 23rd, 2004 07:27 am (UTC) (link)

*HUG*

Yeah - I can understand that. Its scary as hell to be out there - realizing you should be moving forward, and unable to take that step.

It reminds me of when I took swim lessons as a kid - I think I told you about this at the pool this Sunday. I had to jump off the diving board - and I was so scared. I could swim fine, and even liked gonig under water. But I asked my coach to throw me off first - And after that - I loved the diving board.

Your waiting for someone to toss you in, babe.
birdofparadox From: birdofparadox Date: July 23rd, 2004 10:48 am (UTC) (link)
oh, babe.

i get the same way with writing projects... i don't ever seem to finish, and often, i'm not sure if it's fear of rejection or fear of being successful and then having to live up to it.

*hug*
From: (Anonymous) Date: July 26th, 2004 01:05 pm (UTC) (link)
Chin up. You are young and smart. I think you need to be tossed into the pool as well. It's amazing what'll happen when you step out of your 'comfort zone' and take some risks. Now is the time for risk taking, not risk avoiding. We have confidence in you. Have some confidence in yourself. - Discordanian
princessmargo From: princessmargo Date: July 29th, 2004 09:47 am (UTC) (link)
**hugs** you're experiencing your quarter-life crisis, right?! it sucks huge-hairy-goat-cock, but you'll soon sort it all out. you'll come out on top, gingie. :>
4 Voices in a Chorus | Lift Your Voice Aloft