I'm standing still in my life, waiting to hit the threshold where I can't take it anymore, the sitting, the waiting.
I'm procrastinating on life. I'm waiting til my life hits rock bottom so I can start hauling myself back up again only to hover, confused and lost, just below actually accomplishing anything.
Why do I always have to be backed into a corner to actually accomplish anything?
I can't pick a path and stick with it. I can't find anything that I love enough to work more than a few hours on. I've had several glimpses of brilliant infatuation, but nothing that sticks to my ribs enough to make me hungry for more or make me need it enough to work at it.
I get so easily frustrated and discouraged. Little hindrances become enormous road-blocks, and I turn around for a better path.
And I get mad at myself for not living my life to the fullest. It's because I'm waiting for me to pick something to do without losing focus.
I'm finished with my bachelors. But I don't know where to go from here or where I want to be.
I'm terrified that in twenty years I'm still going to be surfing distraction and really will be washed up and past my prime and fighting an uphill battle to give my life meaning rather than just feeling like it.
I am so blessed. I have the opportunity to pursue anything I wanted to; I just don't want anything enough to work at it. It's disgusting and tragic and ridiculous.