Stronger and harder than a bad girl's dream. (lost_angel) wrote,
Stronger and harder than a bad girl's dream.
lost_angel

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Triumph!

Today I was revisited by an old enemy of mine that had plagued my sleep with nightmares and created a wave of paranoia about the house.

It was a gigantic(and I mean with legs out in normal walking mode, it was at least 2.5-3 inches long) tan and brown spider. Its front two legs were dark brown and much thicker than the other legs and it had a thick black stripe down his back. Two nights ago, I tried to best this ancient evil, but alas, he was too quick and slinked away into the boxes and piles of stuff I could not infiltrate.

Today, he returned, alone, to fight me. Appearing in the bath tub, he dared to violate my clean space (well right now it's not clean, but at least it's my cleaning space). He stood there laughing at me, "I'll get you my pretty!"

Thinking he was at my mercy, I opened the flood gates from the faucet, washing him to the back of the tub.

Then he began to swim.

I turned the water up even higher. But he lept upon an empty Oil of Olay bodywash bottle and began to sail across the water hazard I tried to kill him with. He was a freakin' white water rafting spider! Specially trained and the ultimate fear of all spider-haters.

I wept with frustration and fear. I begged the heavens to deliver me from this menace.

Behold! A vision appeared to me, colors of blue and orange, the banner of the mighty bleach that would prove his weakness.

Then a spray bottle of Clorox Clean-up materialized at my feet. Had it been there the whole time, and my eyes only been blind to it?

Following the truth of this holy vision, I snatched up the spray bottle and drenched him with the contents. It took many battles with the Clorox to finally deliver him into my hands, destroy his stamina.

Then I smashed him with a hammer!

Well actually, it was the same empty Oil of Olay bottle, but all the same, I have defeated the foul beast and saved humanity. Now I must wait to fight his brothers who will most certainly seek vengeance for his death.
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