Stronger and harder than a bad girl's dream. (lost_angel) wrote,
Stronger and harder than a bad girl's dream.

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Another late night, but a night of firsts.

Can't escape 'em, work hard at grinding into a boring secretary's routine-like sleep schedule, but my blood defies it, pushes me late into the night, feeding on the silence of the building, the control I hold over time, bending it to my own clock. Humbled by computer jargon and my own naivete, I feel more like a web parasite than a legitimate netizen. Embarrassed to ask for explanations and help, thankful for Glover's tolerance and sense of humor.

Took my first baby steps today. Am learning html, the basics to start, of course. Also my first night with Shasticon, will be hosting my pictures from Japan there provided Glover doesn't decide that I'm just too much of a dork. :)

Not so much a time of introspection as just trucking, a race to make the most of my time, have a full, rich experience while I'm in a country to which I will probably never return. Kaereru, to return. Will this mark my youth never to be tasted again when I walk back into an American life with an American husband in an American job living in an American suburb? Or will I shed the lifestyle that supresses my windchaser avatar and denies me the freedom of being homeless and unfettered. Perhaps I could never be happy with the romantic existence of a life full of jumbled experiences, exotic lovers and dwellings, painfully profound worldliness, and a life so rich with meaning and fullness that it is empty of simplicity. Chuckling... Well, either way, I will be disappointed in something about my actions and choices so I should quit thinking about it so much.

Class in a couple hours. Too much Coca-Cola, Earl Grey tea, and the sweetness of friend's voices and the memories that they carry with them.

baby steps...

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