Stronger and harder than a bad girl's dream. (lost_angel) wrote,
Stronger and harder than a bad girl's dream.

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What do you want to be remembered for when you die?

What is the ideal YOU that you would like to have spent your life being? Do you want to be known as the passionate partner, unsinkable visionary, provocative writer, incomparable artist, best mom, calculating business mind, charismatic leader, constant friend?

What qualities do you want to be forever associated with your name? What projects of great or little import would you want to be recognized for endeavoring, encouraging or even completing?

Now, ask yourself this - are you that person? Why not?

What's stopping you from being that person this very instant, of internalizing that far-off, ideal person and making her you, and you her? What else are you doing instead of that?

So, tell me, who do you want to be? I'll tell you mine...

I want to be a writer of stories that my readers will skip work to read, start to read before bedtime and finally put down a few hours before their alarm goes off, and gladly give their copy away to share the joy and catharsis with their loved ones.

I want to be genuinely creative. I am terrified that I am a better editor than a creator. I am rather talented at revising and cultivating other people's ideas. Perhaps I should accept it and become a tried-and-true-paycheck-earning editor, a publisher, and an enabler. But I think I would be forever disappointed if I didn't one day feel like I was a producer myself.

I want to be brave. I want to stop worrying about the judgments of strangers, to be confident in myself, to never let the concerns of failure stop me from doing something of interest, to have the strength to fight for social concerns.

I want be adventurous. I want to continue to seek out new experiences and challenges. I remember being at a religious lock-in retreat in high school and feeling so proud and honored when one of the other students wrote (in an exercise) that I was adventurous.

I want to be able to find happiness in passionate work. I want to be a hard worker. I want to be passionate. I am lacking both.

I want to be known as a truly sage and caring person who embraces the whole of a person and doesn't judge their flaws. I actually work on this every day, often fail, but go on trying again the next day, and the next.

I want to be a person that people love to spend time with (this often works against my desire to be a dedicated artist, which requires more solitude that I am often willing to give). I want my friends to always feel welcome and loved and encouraged around me. And oddly, I want to give this to strangers, too. I want to continue to find joy in meeting new people.

I want to want to be a mother. I am afraid that by the time I get around to wanting children that I won't be able to anymore.

And lastly, and embarassingly, I want to be devastatingly, yet somehow understatedly, sexy - mind, body, and soul.
Tags: adventure, courage, creativity, death, eulogy, self-improvement, work ethic, writing

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