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Glow Forever - Salvador Dali in a lawn chair.
I'm invisible without 3D glasses.
Glow Forever
This evening when sun was barely a glimmer, Jimmy caught me a firefly on the porch. I was unlocking the front door after our afternoon at the dentist and running errands.

"Look, baby, I caught you something." He held his catch up; it blinked on and off thrice before I leaned over and blew gently on it to spur it to flight.

"I hope I didn't hurt him," Jimmy said.

"I'm sure you didn't, dove."

* * * * *

My papaw died this morning. I didn't call him or go home on Father's Day this year even though I told myself over and over that if I didn't go, I'd miss my last chance. He'd been bed-ridden for over a year. I knew, yet still I didn't go. Last time I saw him was Christmas.

I hope he had a happy life. He was always such a gruff, hard-ass, old man during my childhood. He was quick to take a switch to my cousins or to make a jab about how much I was eating. He was always the mean, angry man in his recliner at holidays who shouted for us to be quiet. As he got older, people seemed to dismiss his remarks; he'd lost his bite or we'd lost our fear. Then he became less gruff and his sarcasm turned to humor. Perhaps he was just too tired to yell anymore. Perhaps I had just been too young to recognize the humor before. It wasn't until I got into my twenties that I started to figure out that he actually loved us.

His life was so much more, so much longer, than the brief time that I knew him. I suppose children are fated to know only the shadow of their parents and grandparents rather than the people, hale and happy, who they once were.

I don't think my father ever had a good relationship with him. I wonder if I'll be as calm as Daddy is in thirty years when I lose him.

Tags: , ,
Current Location: Water Valley, MS
music: Johnny Mercer - "Shine Little Glow Worm"

6 Voices in a Chorus | Lift Your Voice Aloft
From: gothicbeauty21 Date: July 2nd, 2008 02:17 am (UTC) (link)
lost_angel From: lost_angel Date: July 2nd, 2008 02:24 am (UTC) (link)

I'm sorry I missed you on your birthday weekend. I tried calling on Friday and left you a voicemail to see if we could do lunch on Saturday. I'd still like to do something fun with you next week for a belated celebration.
From: gothicbeauty21 Date: July 2nd, 2008 04:46 am (UTC) (link)
I didn't get the message, it seems that ATT/Cingular is changing towers or something because I've gone from a full signal to one bar or none at home for the last week. I'm trying to see if it's a temporary issue or if I have to upgrade my phone, but my parents are having the same problem.

It's just as well I missed it, I was confined to the house with girl issues and a nonworking vehicle for the weekend. Let me know what day next week you'd like to do something and I'll see what I can do. A girl's day would be fun.
mistervimes From: mistervimes Date: July 2nd, 2008 04:04 am (UTC) (link)
I'm so sorry for you loss.
white_dandelion From: white_dandelion Date: July 2nd, 2008 12:48 pm (UTC) (link)
*Hugs* I'm sorry you lost your Pawpaw. It sounds like he was like a lot of men in his generation, rough around the edges but really loving in his own way.

As for your Dad... don't count on having the next 30 years to know and learn more about him in your adult years. Take advantage of the years you have with him now. I only wish my father was alive today to know him better as an adult. I've lived half of my life without him. It seems so odd.
From: erisraven Date: July 6th, 2008 11:09 pm (UTC) (link)
Sometimes the only time we stop and think about those around us is when we lose them. Sorrow for your loss.
6 Voices in a Chorus | Lift Your Voice Aloft