Stronger and harder than a bad girl's dream. (lost_angel) wrote,
Stronger and harder than a bad girl's dream.

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good morning

hail, just woke up a few hours ago...yeah yeah yeah, it's 3AM here in Japan. Once again, gotten knocked off the very flimsy and unstable sleep schedule I had tried to construct. Ick. Had hoped to go to the old Imperial Palace in Kyoto tomorrow but I might have to bail because I was reminded that I had committed myself two weeks ago to go to Karaoke to celebrate someone's birthday. I hate karaoke, but I'd feel like a jerk if I backed out. So I guess it means I get a little catnap and try to make it to the Palace and then take the train to meet people at the blasted karaoke bar. ick. Either that or skip the palace altogether to go another weekend. Makes it sound like a new-aged Cinderella story: having to decide between the historical palace for a day of fun (using my new camera especially) and the responsibility of being kind to my pseudo-friends.

I have made many new friends here friends and I really do like these people, have lots of fun with them, it just becomes taxing after a while. Does that mean I'm fake and shallow because I don't enjoying hanging out with them all the time, or that now I know what they are really like? I've kinda been turned into everyone's confidant. "Oh, angel, guess what my new boyfriend did for me today?" "Oh, angel, I am so happy. Here let me tell you why." This is followed by almost an hour of droning monologue interrupted by a few questions from me in order to change the subject or just try to lessen the brunt of it. As much as I normally like to help my friends and let them know that I care about them and their lives, this last month with this one particular situation has emptied me of normal caring. Now I catch myself just trying to avoid this person because I know that they will lapse into stuff I've already been told by their significant other in a conversation beforehand.

Example: I went shopping with the guy for a kimono to give the girl. This takes about half the day (because we had to go all the way into an open air flea market held at one of the Buddhist temples in Kyoto) and is riddled with complaints and frustration (because of how packed the bus was) and stories about all the things he's planned to get her or has purchased for her. I find the perfect kimono for her--> present is bought, goal attained. That night, the girl bursts into my room to tell me all about this lovely kimono he gave her and how it's just perfect and how she already knows how to wear a kimono because she lived for several years in northern Japan.

I should also mention that at first I enjoyed this girl's company in large groups but now I am a bit frustrated with her deep criticism of bad students (I am a master intelligent slacker) and how much she knows about everything and anything in the world and how much respect she gets from her teachers because she's a good student and dedicated and smart (she's not that smart). I still like this girl despite all that (she really needs friends I think, as well as this new boyfriend to make her less of a little girl and more of a woman of 20), but I have grown to find her company less than enjoyable and more than taxing. ::sigh:: I guess I might seem a little fake by continuing to be her friend, but what good would it do to crush this girl needlessly by hurting her feelings and abusing the trust she's granted me? Does it serve some greater or higher purpose for me to be honest all the time in every way, always telling people exactly how I feel all the time? If I disagree about something important, I tell her so, but I don't see the problem with my lying about wanting to listen to her and spend time with her. It just means I have to put up with a little bit of boredom and frustration.

This person isn't the only one who has decided to treat me as a confidant. For some reason, I comparatively have much more wisdom about life than these people do (which is strange because I'm often the naive one with only a little bit of situational wisdom...ok so that's not exactly accurate, I do have a great deal of understanding and experience and can manage to cross-apply that to other situations that I have not experienced). Anyway, in a way it's flattering and ego-boosting.

Ok, I've talked enough. It's not a big deal, it's not bitching. This whole situation doesn't really affect me all that much. It just came up recently and I don't have that much to talk about anyway. I was mainly rambling at a place where if people don't want to read any more of this crap, they can just skip over it and not have to tell me to shut up :) Maybe next time I'll have something more profound to say and be in a more poetic mood.

"I got the skill. Come get your fill. Cause when I shoot, I shoot to kill." House of Pain - "Jump Around"

sorry, the music has changed and now I'm boucing around the computer lab. About to go make chocolate milk and an open-faced grilled cheese.

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