Stronger and harder than a bad girl's dream. (lost_angel) wrote,
Stronger and harder than a bad girl's dream.

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I recently discovered that a small portion of my friends had an image of me that wasn't entirely true. They too closely associated me with my character from a LARP, actually characters from two LARP's. These images weren't accurate.

I can't be certain as to what exactly they thought of me, but I can only assume that a little bit was unfavorable.

What stings a little, too, is that they didn't really understand my characters, either. I kept a lot of it secret because that was true to the characters. However, I feel a little disappointed in myself that I didn't portray the characters correctly either. The audience never fully understands a poet's most loved work or an artist's most mystical painting.

I'm not mad about it. (REPEAT: I am not mad about it. That would be ridiculous; I'm only just insecure about it :) They were my friends and I'd like to think they still are, that they still consider me a friend. However it does leave me with a little taste of injustice and miscommuncation.

I wish they had gotten to know me better. Some did, others just kept on hanging out with me with those false impressions. I hope it wasn't all a hoax that I convinced myself that they were my friends and in truth they were only putting up with me.

Had I known sooner (like within the last 3 years) I would have done something about it, hung out with them in more than just roleplaying situations even though that's mostly the only thing they did to entertain themselves in which I also took part.

This doesn't happen all that often, but now I feel completely misunderstood.

I want to fix this, to make them know better the person I really am. Right now, I'm a little sad and disappointed. Perhaps this will slowly fix itself or I might have to actively fix it. Who knows.

And maybe I'm not nearly as good of a roleplayer as I thought I was.

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