Stronger and harder than a bad girl's dream. (lost_angel) wrote,
Stronger and harder than a bad girl's dream.

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Definition of Terms

I got an email from my Grandma who had recently read the latest installments of my livejournal and was a little confused as to what I meant when I referred to certain things. She also had a few comments about less-tangible themes in my life which she wanted to provide insight on.

Even though I don't know if I can fix the rest of my life overnight and present a better image, I can help to explain some of the things that are a part of my daily life.

This is by no means intended to be insultory or conceited. It is merely an explanation of forces/distractions in my life that might need clarifying for my Grandma. It is also not a full description of my life. I swear I'm more complex...really...I mean it.

::drum roll::

Here is my definition of terms:

NRSSLC: abbreviation for the National Remote Sensing and Space Law Center at the University of Mississippi, my employer for whom I transcribe lectures then edit the contents/grammar/diction/style/format/order of the lecture for publication.

Edie: my direct boss, the Administrator for the NRSSLC.

Ole Miss: nickname for the University of Mississippi, my school where I am taking just a couple of classes until I decide to go to law school/grad school/business school and what to do with the rest of my life.

LiveJournal: this website where I post my journal entries erratically. Abbreviated as LJ. People who use LJ are referred often as LJ'ers.

Shasticon: The server that hosts my website (for Grandma, this is a domain name, or the name of web location of the website/server my website is actually stored on). Shasticon or Shaz is owned and run by my friend Glover of Jackson and located at This same server hosts webpages of other friends of mine as well as Glover's streaming radio.

PHP: a scripting language used with databases that I am learning so that I can use it to better enhance my webpage's ease of browsing and organization of content.

AC: abbreviation for Asherons Call, an online role-playing game in which I have a character that I design, play, and through which I interact with other online players in a virtual, fantasy-based world.

Farscape: a SciFi Channel television series filmed in Australia by the SciFi Channel and the Jim Henson Company.

StarGate, SG1: another television series, this one by ShowTime, based on the original StarGate movie.

H: abbreviation for The History Channel, a standard cable station formerly known as the "Nazi World War II Channel" that has extended its broadcast material to include some of the most interesting and educational shows ever. This is very similar to the The Learning Channel, History International, The Discovery Channel, and Animal Planet. Despite all this information, I rarely watch television (like once every two weeks).

Matt: my fiance, Matthew Rickwood, often referred to as The Rickwood.

Jimmy: One of my roommates, who actually owns the trailer in which we live, and with whom I have become very close friends in the past 10 months.

Bill: One of my roommates, the one with whom I often do not get along yet supplies with me episodes of both StarGate and Farscape (see above) and plays DAoC (see below).

Rebel: My third roommate, Bill's dog. He's part border collie and part goat. He eats everything.

Shana: A "might as well be a roommate because she's always over at my house but at least she brings cokes" friend who runs a DnD (see below) game and plays DAoC (see below). She is in law school and also known as EverRaven on livejournal.

DAoC: abbreviation for Dark Ages of Camelot, lovingly referred to as Day-O-Crack, another online roleplaying game in which many of my real life friends play but that I do not participate in.

UO: abbreviation for Ultima Online, an online roleplaying game that Matt (see above) plays.

DnD: abbreviation for Dungeons and Dragons a table-top roleplaying game in which you can play a hero or a villain and mainly just spend time eating Cheeto's and drinking beer with your friends.

SOLAR: abbreviation for Southern Organization for Live Action Re-enactments, a live-action (as in dress up and pretend to be someone else, improvisation-style roleplaying) game based out of Atlanta and for which Matt worked for many many years. I no longer play this game with any consistency.

Comments: I know that the prevalence of roleplaying and online games seem to dominate this list of terms. The reason I listed most of these in particular was because these are the terms that would likely need a description for my recently turned 79 Grandma (who emails and browses the web with proficiency, might I add).

AC and work and chatting with friends when they show up at my house dominate a great deal of my life simply because I don't have time for much else. I talk to Matt on the phone at least once a day and we chat on and off all day over the computer.

I want very much to fill my life with more of the things I like to do and need to do, like going to school for a higher degree, writing, drawing, leaving my house once in a while, and just all in all being a better person.

To be very cliched, I am taking it one step at a time, day by day, to slowly raise the standard of how I live my life. I am fighting the burn out of school, the apathy of not wanting to go to school just so I can get a "better" career in an all too ruthless and dis-satisfying job market, the disillusionment of a relationship that has been long-strained with distance, and a growing distaste and almost disgust in major I studied at Ole Miss (it's just been too much of a pain for too long, and although it can potentially be a very lucrative and rewarding field, I'm not sure if I want to live the rest of my life that way, in a big city, with all those stupid people, spending a third of my life commuting).

My life is a million times better than many millions of other people around the world because I live in a mostly free society with a wonderful family and friends. I have never gone without something I really really needed (except perhaps a remotely understanding father) and many of my wants have been taken care of, too, thanks to other people.

I know that I owe my very existance to my family and the love they have given me. I know that I wouldn't have had the opportunities without all of their hard work. I have earned a good portion of that myself through my own hard work and intelligence and education.

However, I seemed to have lost some very important things along the way: discipline and desire. And the result is an overwhelming sense of emptiness.

In the end, I fight my own laziness and depression because I have no motivation. Sometimes it's hard to find anything that I want to do, that I really believe in, that I love anymore.

Despite this, I still have a stalwart sense of humor (I laugh a lot and am laughed at a lot, too, :), my brain (even if it is sometimes hypnotized by the History Channel and often by Asherons Call), and the spider's web of family and friends that keep me whole.

I will pull through this. I've been saying that for years, but I will pull through this. I love you, Grandma.

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