Stronger and harder than a bad girl's dream. (lost_angel) wrote,
Stronger and harder than a bad girl's dream.

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been a long time.

Over the past couple weeks, I've had several episodes where I wanted to write. There was so much I wanted to say, to be thankful for, to lament, to just tell about my day. But I didn't have the time. I've got so much school work to catch up on that I'm just going slap silly. What's worse is that my work ethic is so miniscule that it takes me forever to just churn out something that would take someone else 1/10th of the time that it took me. Now, when the cherry blossoms are starting to fall (they've been in bloom for about a week) I've got so much work that I'd feel guilty to leave the dorm to go see them and walk around and take pictures and drink sake under the trees. But as I sit here doing school work, I'm just doing things that are distracting me, not really doing the homework. So I"m wasting the time I should be spending seeing Japan. I really haven't been to see much at all. I feel like I've completely wasted this trip, which will will be the only time I will live here and have the free time to do the things I want to do here and really experience Japan.

By the way, I'm tired of that phrase, experiencing Japan. The first third of the time I was here, my scholarships hadn't arrived and I didn't have the money to go anywhere with my friends. Then second third of the time, I wanted to go but no one wanted to go travel with me because they had already been to the places (during the first third of the semester) I wanted to go. Now in the last third, school is getting so busy (which it wasn't at all before) that I can't really go anywhere for a full weekend.

I think living here and having to deal with their not wanting to sit next to me on the train, and their getting fed up with my trying to speak Japanese to them, and their critical stares because I'm blond (well dirty blond) is just as much experiencing the culture as going to tons of shrines and temples and gardens that all look exactly alike to me because I'm not a Japanophile. Here I've really begun to flaunt my hair. I don't wear it in pony tails as much, letting it fall over my shoulders and shout my foreignness. Anyway, I get the feeling that I should be visiting all these wonderful places, but it costs so much money! And everyone is expecting me to bring back something uber cool for them and they forget that I'm a student with very little money. Well not everyone has said something that they want back, but I can feel it. The "oh you went across the world and didn't bring me back something to show for it. Ok, if I spend the money buying everyone a present back, I won't have money to go anywhere.

So I'm giving up on the research for today. I can do it online after it's dark and I can't see the cherry blossoms anymore. And next weekend, even if I've got homework, I'm going somewhere, to Himeji Castle or Hiroshima. Even if it's by myself and I spend a lot of the money I'd be spending to buy stuff for my friends and family back home. I've got to make the most of the little time I've got left here. Yeah, I'm disappointed that I couldn't go or wasted the times that I could have gone, but the only thing I can do about it now is try to go go go as much as I can.

Today, you mean today is Saturday? Goodbye I'm going out to play.

--Shel Silverstien

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